My trammels of inarticulateness

It’s that feeling again. And I dread it!

As I sit to post something on my blog, I find myself fumbling ever so often to pick out that exact word. I know that I know the word, it gnaws at the annals of my memory and just when I reach out for it - vanishes with a poof!!

English & vocabulary have been cherished passions, ever since I can recall now. Have dreaded ineloquence - it makes me feel that my brain's stagnating and decaying.

I had this exact feeling about 5 years ago while in engineering. The internet and computer science were happening (yes, continuous tense as it was a 4-year course). Which meant that the books got renounced :(. Slowly, I found the depths of my language were silting into shallows. Yet I couldn't do anything to stay the atrophy. Felt helpless, felt miserable...

Then the GRE and the infamous Barrons' word-lists happened. Peers cursed 'em, I loved 'em. Felt a sense of pride and accomplishment as I studied them. (I actually made a hand-written book of all the words I had learnt, with meanings, usages et al. Treasured that book above anything else. Misplaced it in the myriad books after L and till date am aggrieved about its loss :( ).

In retrospect, I feel that that test was a landmark event in my life in many ways. It brought me my passion back. I expanded my vocabulary manifold. It almost felt like graduating to the adult world of English. Started feeling good about myself :). After this episode, I decided I wouldn't let my language stagnate again and would keep polishing it every now n again.

The succeeding 2 years at L passed like a whiff. I don't recall reading too voraciously there. But, the stint at Placecom there, with its million mails and articles, fed enough fodder to my left brain and didn't let it hibernate. It's amazing how when we look back at our pasts, most events end up playing a larger role than you earlier accredited them for!!

Then P&G happened and the relocation to Singapore reacquainted me with the forgotten joys of reading :). Thanx to the NLB, have taken back to reading like a fish to water. Now, while all the reading has ensured I have a solid rearguard in place and don’t slip further, writing is critical to keep the blade sharp. It’s the good old theory n book knowledge vs. practical n wisdom duality.

This duality was one of my inspirations then (there are more than one – an individual + this + my practical obsession with writing A1 docs in office, in that order) to enlist myself on blogosphere. Blogging is my first notable, consistent and serious effort in a long time, at penning down the swirls in my head. And as was Karna's curse, so is mine - cometh the hour, not cometh the required skill - words… :|.

Obviously, the solution to my pangs is to keep writing more n more. But, with the million worldly needs & expectations & commitments that one necessarily has to devote time to, a desire or passion has to cede priority. However, that is but an excuse at the end of the day.

Hence, I have decided to apply my project management lessons to this as well – have put a goal for myself of x posts per week and am tracking myself to it. Status so far = Okay, nothing pathbreaking.

So there it is, I think I have evolved a solution to deal with my hallucinations of a wordless hollow creeping up on me. Simple n pragmatic. The classic engineering approach, my ever loyal refuge, bastion and liberator…

Amazing what fear (even if irrational) of affliction to a cherished haven can drive men to!