Saturday, June 09, 2007

The Club and Spade of I being me ;)

I can distinctly recall my growing up, engineering days when my Ma-Pa always asked me to temper down. I was always a fractious horse who would call a spade a spade, and pretty much in the face of just about everyone. I was labeled quite a few things - the superset being "opinionated, sarcastic, racist, sexist, skeptic, supremely cynical" - and other wonderful adjectives that I care squat about ;).

So, it was an earnest request to not make a public parade of my politically incorrect and extreme opinions on almost everything!! Surprisingly, I did understand Ma-Pa's stance that they didn't wish for people to build impressions and colorations of me that would tail me forever. So, as the years went by, I tried to confirm and be the "good" boy ;), pushing my true instinct to let my brain n tongue lash into hibernation. With time, even tried at my hand at polity and temperance.
(That's the Club of me. It's complicated. At this time, I = Spade, but, me = Club.)

Failed miserably :). But, the horse remained staid and wouldn't yet come out prancing in full glory.

Now, after a year in Singapore, I sense this compulsion rising inside me to set the fractious horse galloping free. My senior at office, Oli, notes and points out my mavericking and rebellious behavior very often these days. I agree to every single observation of his, and with some glee ;).

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be imprudent or rude or hurt people. Nay, wanna continue being the nice person people have me believe I am :P. Just that I don't want to masquerade any longer with some sort of a filter or mask on. As Adil says, wanna be what I am.

So, I have decided to let the reins loose a bit and let the horsie have some fun! The temperance will be exercised on the tongue (as it causes more hurt than a sword), though not on the mind at all :).
(That's the Spade of I. I = me = Spade ;) ).

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