My most negative post. Yet.

The feeling of helplessness, of seeing your final weed of hope slip away is extremely debilitating. In my case, paralyzingly so.

Been living like a Zombie for the past few days. For no apparent reason. Just that my mind has parked itself into what computer engineers would call an orphan state. It responds to neither +ve nor -ve reinforcement or stimuli. I feel dispassionate, enervated and completely detached. I take pleasure from nothing, pains from nothing, look forward to nothing.

I have just been reading novels like a maniac. Found my usual favorite Crichton also to be thoroughly insipid. I barely work. Everyday I battle my urge to give up, become a recluse and run away.

Why did I come to this? Why didn't I do anything when I could foresee this? Why is hindsight so painful? When will I get to be a generally happy soul in life without these nags and worries?

This post reeks of negativism. Why am I like this? Is this what they call a quarter life crisis? Am I sick, do I need therapy?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.