Catbert - The correct way to use the office entry card!

Catbert said this on how to use the office i-card!

That's me, that's me!! But the strip clearly proves I ain't the only weirdo around!! Yippieee :).

P.S.

1. Image courtesy - Dilbert by Scott Adams.
2. The awesomest Dilbert archive is found here. (Thanx buddy, whoever, wherever you are!)

Addendums:

1. My dearest Niksie was the one who first showed me this strip! Many thanx dear :).
2. @ Harish & all - No, I DO NOT wonder about what body part of mine opens the damn door! Dirty minded buggers...
   

India vs. Aus, CB Series - Bring Rahul Dravid back!

Déjà Vu. Times New Roman, all Caps, Font size - 80. That's what India's performance against the Aussies had written all over it yesterday!

And there were countless Déjà vu's about the team's performance yesterday.

1. The perennial problem of the 3 sub-units - batting, bowling, fielding - not clicking together resurfaced. The bowlers had almost served the match on a platter to the willowmen, only to see them smoke it up!
2. The Indian batting line-up's strength is now only on paper. In reality, the team doesn't have a backbone & is quite frail. They'd come out as raw as wheat husk playing under bowler-friendly conditions (like in the Windies or England). After a long, long time, the team has gone back to it's days of being over reliant on Sachin to do the bullwork.

The eerie part is that when I read the team line-up in the morning - 6 batsmen, 1 trying-desperately all-rounder & 4 bowlers, I went uh-ohh. Any sizable total to chase & if Sachin gets out cheaply, we're gonna have trouble. And that's exactly what happened - Only worse, it was a paltry total on a reasonable good batting track!

To my mind, the issue is that we don't have a solid No. 3 batsman who can play the sheet anchor role. Irfan Pathan at No. 3 is clearly not working for the team & the next best option is Rohit Sharma or Robin Uthappa who are both dashers rather than grafters.

While I agree with the strategy of developing the team for the future & hence grafting young blood in as early as possible, I think the transition period could be better handled. If not, some of these blokes are going to find the going tempestuous & can easily become the next victims of the "Kaif syndrome". (Getting opportunities to bat only under dire circumstances & then being blamed for scoring too few runs, too slowly!).

I think a better way of going about this is to bring Rahul Dravid back at No. 3. Let him do what he does best - tie down one end & graft, while the junior crop can come & showcase their stroke making prowess around him. Groom Dinesh Karthik / Suresh Raina to fill Dravid's shoes in the future.

Hence, I feel a potent Indian squad would look as under:

• Sachin, Gambhir - Openers. Left + right combo works well.
• Dravid, Dinesh Karthik, Suresh Raina - Sheet anchor
• Dhoni, Yuvraj, Rohit Sharma, Robin Uthappa - Middle order
• Irfan Pathan - All-rounder
• Bhajji - Spinner
• Ishant Sharma, Zaheer Khan, RP Singh, Sreesanth, Munaf Patel - Pace battery.

Depending on the conditions, choose to play the extra middle order batsman or the extra fast bowling option.

The Sri Lanka game on Tuesday has now become crucial, thanks to our own idiocities. Ironically, the hope for India is that Sri Lanka has just as grave batting problems as us!

My money is safely in my pocket.

Someone wise said... (err, twas me ;) )

Just a mere trophy of success will hold no sense of accomplishment, unless you know what to do with that success.

One of the many interesting conversations I had with my friend B during our 2 hour Macritchie trek last Friday. B - awesome company, conversation & trek!

The other note in the conversation which I found quite insightful was B remarking about her perception that I would always live my life a 100%, 100% of the time. (Yes, I live in distributions & am definitely not "normal"). My resolution of last year seems to be on-track. Touch wood & smug smile :).

Best luck B! Hope you clear your hurdle by a distance in March.

P.S. - The post is mostly about me & seems to be in self-glorification. Bad, bad boy Horsie!

Farewell to DB

It's been a year of farewells at CMK. Lots of people have moved geographies, life stages or companies.

1 of these was the erstwhile head of AAI CMK, DB, moving to Geneva. She came in as the head of AAI CMK in 2000, with total CMK strength in single digits. Under her tutelage, the function evolved & grew to its current strength of about 70. So, in a way, I owe my current job to her.

But more importantly, she was loved by everyone for the personal touch to her leadership. Conversations with her were rarely about the state of the business - it was more about what's happening in our lives, things we like/dislike. She could talk to me as another 25-year old than someone almost double that age. I feel that is the hallmark of a leader - can she build people bridges.

So, the poignancy at her departure from AAI after 7 years was palpable. For both her & the CMK community at large. Hence, to see her off, a facebook was to be compiled where everyone could leave their messages, pics etc. which she could take back as a memoir. Here is what I wrote for her:

Bright shines that distant star

Being a guide to many from her throne afar

Yet silently she delights

At the success of those guided by her light

Worshiped is her legacy

She, who weaved life as she passed by...

Forever remembered will be her glow

For her spirit, her charm and her know.

P.S. - At the actual farewell night, someone used an almost identical quartet as her opening line. I have a lingering suspicion. If it's true, I feel ambivalent about her having used it.

I finally have my online albums :)

Yay, I finally have activated my Picasa account & uploaded photos :).

Check out the works of art here.

Will upload snaps of Tioman Islands, Poovar Islands (Kerala) & others soon!

Turmeric Latte from Coldworks! ;)

I took my first sick leave of my P&G days this Monday. Was down with a wicked chest congestion, runny nose & a mild fever. Had I spent the day in the Antarctica of the equator that is my office, I'd have been coughing my way to the hospital like an 80-year old!

So, I promptly set-up the following Out of Office note on my email -

Hi guyz,

As I am grappling with almost a Jakarta-esque congestion in my respiratory channels, I won't be in office today.

I am gonna take this opportunity to savor some heady concoctions like Ginger juice, Neem tea & Turmeric latte! Open invitation to one & all who wishes a refreshing drink after a day's hard labor!! ;-).

Have a great day!

Regards,
Harsh Shah

Hehehe...
Am quite proud of the fact that the illness didn't get the better of me this time. I didn't get grumpy or morose at all.

Best part was - colleagues in office actually found it amusing! :).
I hope my spirit stays indomitable & positive always. Amen.

India Chak De'd...Yoohoo... :D

Queen crooned "We are the Champions" back in '77. Last night, a group of 7 men (more like overgrown boys actually!!) & a gal hooped around in total hysteria, miming Freddie Mercury's lyrics as they witnessed a spectacle of a lifetime!!

What a final!! India-Pakistan. Doesn't get any bigger than this. Nothing in the English language can quite qualify these encounters.
And the match lived up to its billing. Thorough humdinger. 80 fingernails dug deep into the sofa set and almost ripped the cushioning out!!

It's a well-known fact that I am a long standing skeptic of the Indian cricket team. And I have reams of historical data & heartbreaking experiences for my cynicism. We, in the past, have pulled off miracles that for most teams, in the game of cricket or otherwise, would be outworldly. Except that our miracles weren't really in the "I am beaming with pride" category. They were more in the bewildering "Is this really happening" category!! I rationalized the events thinking that given our famous Indian hospitality bindings, our teams felt waves of graciousness for our opponents & did not have the heart to inflict defeats upon them. Ever since, have priced my faith safely out of reach of the Indian men's cricket team.

However, an India-Pakistan game is a different ballgame. There I blend in with the 1-billion crowd & root for the Men in Blue. When the two neighbors clash in a sport, for me it's never just about the game. It's about patriotic loyalties - no jumping ship here.

Yesterday (Monday, Sep. 24, 2007) was as loud a call-to-arms as any. And no one on the east of the Indus was disappointed :).

At 77/6 with Pakistan’s tail exposed & 81 to get from 8 overs, celebrations had begun early. And then Turbanator Singh came on. Misbah-ul-Haq, sensing his last draw in the battlefield, unleashed his final backlash. 3 towering 6's from the cad in Bhajji's over & it was déjà vu all over again!! 2 more sixes to Sreesanth & suddenly we were staring down the barrel. Just 20 to get from 12 balls for Pakistan…

You have to doff your hats to the guys who conceptualized this format at this point. It’s designed such that the game is always treading a knife-edge. Even a whiff of an effort & the momentum swings. Its teleported cricket into the realm of soccer – non-stop, nail-biting thrill through the game.

1 tight over from RP Singh later, the game hangs in limbo at Pakistan needing 13 off the last over with last man standing, India needing 1 wicket but with all its best bet bowlers used out. In my head, I am begging God to not let this become the “Javed Miandad slaps 6 to Chetan Sharma off the last delivery to dent India’s joy” match of my generation. As my silent prayers pick up fervor, the young Jaat Joginder Sharma sends down a wide with "pressure" written in font size 160 written over it & I gasp – "Okay, here we go again!!" Misbah heart stoppingly sends the next delivery into the stands & a billion lachrymal dams are on the verge of bursting. I wonder how many people in India would have got strokes as Joginder delivered his next delivery & Misbah lofted it 5-storeys high again. Only this time, instead of some unsuspecting spectator receiving the projectile, a blue-clad Sreesanth latches on to the white orb the way a famine victim would cling on to air-dropped foods!!

And with that… Yoohoo, India won the Twenty20 World Cup!! So what if we were mauled out of the "real" thing back in May in the first round! The mind takes a minute to register the unbelievable & then pandemonium breaks loose. Hugs, hoots & high-fives all around the tiny living room.

Amazing stuff. India is in delirium the next few days. Just check out these videos of the “Victory Yatra” & the Wankhede Felicitation ceremony as the champions arrived in Mumbai on Wednesday (Sep. 25, 2007) morning to see for yourself.

1.a. Home coming video at IBN Live.com
1.b. Home coming video at YouTube

2. Felicitation video at IBN Live.com

The Gods of the country’s most widespread religion showered the most fulfilling & blissful of blessings on their legions of followers. That too without the involvement of the so-called supreme trinity of the pantheon!! What a phenomenal slap in the faces of their highn-ass-es M/s. Tendulkar & Ganguly…

Chak de India!!! Long live Twenty20...

Hello World!

Void Helloworld()
{
printf ("Hello World \n");
printf ("Horsie is back. \n");
printf ("Was busy, had gone galloping as well. \n");
printf ("Got some interesting stories to tell. \n");
printf ("Keep reading. Have a great day! \n);
}

क्या पता...कल हो ना हो...

One of the very, very, very few dialogues mouthed by SRK on celluloid that I actually appreciate n don't mind recounting in public is this particular line from the movie Kal Ho na Ho

"जीयो, मुस्कुराओ, झुमो, गाओ, खुश रहो...क्या पता... कल हो ना हो..."

Loosely translated, it reads - Live, smile, dance, sing, be happy....who knows...there may or may not be a tomorrow.

It's such an awesome mantra to live life by. From my perch, I have seen Addie, my Guru, practice this motto daily like a true devotee. Inspired, I have been trying to "reapply the best practice" since the last 3-4 months. And life's been truly awesome!! Even simple things have taken on prismatic, spectral hues. The smiles have propagated to back home n got amplified in the voices, mails n faces of my family - that's worth more than anything else.

But today, in keeping with the "Live life Kingzise" spirit, I bungled up. Yet again.
Like the train that doesn't realize it has rounded a bend until after doing so, I too realized it after the events had transpired. For the umpteenth time, my comet left a wake which was never really intended. :(.

How I wish Addie were here today. For reassurance & reinforcement to stop my faith from teetering. How I wish life weren't so critical & demanding of faiths ever so often...
How I wish I could do an SRK, standing with my arms outstretched double their length on some overflowing waterfront, saying

आज में जीयो, क्या पता...कल हो ना हो...

The faith shall stand though, a little shaken but by no means vanquished. The horse will learn, make amends & keep walking on...

A Utopian life in Guyworld!!

I have been thinking about that age-old dictum saying that a man would have a Utopian life if he can claim propriety over the following worldly possessions:

1. An Indian wife
2. An American salary
3. A British house
4. Chinese food.

Hmm. Now, the first thing that struck me was as I was mulling over the list is how remarkably incomplete it is. I mean, this is the 21st century and we men are material minded, carnally driven, insatiable, obsessive maniacs, having sold our "mojos of higher living" to the devil in our past lives!! How can the list be complete with just 4 simple entries as above?

Hence, I embarked on the noble task myself of completing the dream life of a man. So, without further ado, here goes.

Addendum to list above

1. A Singaporean city/standard of living
2. A Korean car
3. Japanese gadgets
4. French wines
5. Arabian land estates
6. A Russian mistress
7. A Dutch orchard
8. Spanish music
9. German factories

There. I think now the list can at least claim to stand on veritable grounds of being close to Utopian.

(Note - The list is restricted to worldly, material possessions. Hence, things such as looks & **** cannot be enlisted in this bracket).

Hmm...all ye guyz out there...have I missed anything? All contributions are most gratefully welcome :).

The adventures of KV - Part 1

Kunal had planned this vacation with his mom n sis to Singapore, KL, Langkawi since 6 months or so. He had taken uncharacteristic pains to meticulously plan all the details to the T, had driven me up the wall to plan out his itinerary and stuff!

He was to fly out last evening from Delhi to arrive in Singapore today morning. After which I was to become his walking-talking Frommer's guide to Singapore!!

Well, he's just had a phenomenally auspicious start to it. He sms'd last night that he'd missed his Indian Airlines flight to Singaopore (and that too the only flight flown out by the airline from Delhi). Lol. Rotflmao.... Double rotflmao...

These things always happen to him! I can so imagine his sis giving him a nice hiding for this.

The recourse he has taken his that he has flown to KL & is taking a bus to Singapore from there. Which means that he loses almost whole of today!!

Hilarious stuff. KV rocks!!

The Week end syndrome

Just concluded that I have a compulsive need to spend the night before a holiday out i.e. Friday evenings / the evening before a mid-week break necessarily means I graciously contribute to the coffers of a restaurant & to a movie hall.

In my mind, I earlier thought that this was driven by a functional, first order physical need - food. Background is that our maid comes to cook dinner from Monday - Thursday, with Friday being a scheduled pit-stop. Hence, Friday evenings till a couple of months ago necessarily meant a hop over to some eatery in Little India. However, off late, we have had the option of calling her over on Friday as well - an option that we've almost reverentially stayed away from exercising.

But this belief was busted by the recent spurt of midweek holidays when I have had an irrepressible urge to not spend the evening staring at either of my LCD screens - the TV or the laptop!! Was myself amazed at how helpless and subjugated I felt to this surge inside me!!

So, I guess the verdict is out on me - I am afflicted with "The week end syndrome".
Symptoms - Extreme restiveness on a Friday evening, arbitrary mood swings ranging from being king of dullsville to childlike buoyancy, uncontrolled irrational dashes to smash through the office glass-doors.

Cures - Lungful of 6pm evening air, indulgences spanning दाल मखनी , सेविया to popcorn n ice-cream, 3 hour therapeutic x-box sessions :).

Do you also suffer from the same? Get yourself diagnosed. Paint the town red (or whatever color you fancy)!!

Cool guys & Hot gals

Just realized another point of difference in the classic debate - boys vs. gals. Stated as under:

Guys aspire to get/stay 'cooler' as they get older while gals aspire to get/stay 'hotter'!!

Hmm...interesting...

Mama, see what I won - My own star :)

Was at an office offsite the last two days. The published purposes of the offsite are twofold:

1. Share the past fiscal's (our fiscal follows a July - June calibration) business results, successes/failures & learnings.
2. Lay down the goals, strategies & vision for the current fiscal.

The unpublished, flunkie's eye agenda is..... PARTY!! ;-).

And that's exactly what it turned out to be. The business review sessions weren't half as bad as I had dreaded, and the awards night + party simply rocked :). The second day's physical workout + outdoor team building activities were tons of fun and eye-opening (yes, I need to move my lazy bum n exercise!!).

And amidst all this rejoicing, I got a personal reason to celebrate!! I won a "Special Appreciation" award :).

The awards are meant to recognize those individuals whose work produced some sterling results/gave new direction to the business unit. It's one of those awards that got my mind going "Jeez, I wish I could win one of those" while I sat in the aisles applauding other winners at past functions!!

As it turned out, I could feel those butterflies start their "catch me if you can" games inside my tummy all over again as the function kicked off. And as the muster rolled on, I could feel those little aahs inside my head getting louder with each announcement that didn't yet call out my name.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the spotlight zeroed in on a slide screaming "Harsh Shah". And I was... stunned!! Took me a few seconds to get out of my reverie and realize मेरा Number आ गया!!

The applause as I went up to receive my blue star seemed to be coming out of the ether, the faces seemed to lose features, the notes crooned "I believe I can fly" and for 2 minutes I wasn't on this planet as the hormones n chemicals in my junkyard rocketed me into orbit!! It took Karthik's raspy voice n firm vise on my wrist whilst I was floating back to my seat to get me to land :). Fumblingly, accepted his congratulations, mumbled out a thank you & parked myself on my chair with a long breath as the realization sank in :).

Well, the party started almost immediately after this and I let my hair down (well, whatever there is of it anyways!!). The hormones carried on with their alchemist dance well into the night :). Woke up the next day as usual to a star - albeit a blue one with my name inscribed on it instead of a yellow one!!

Small joys these, but truly ones that permanently color my memory with joy n pride!

The Da Vinci Code - It could be true...

Watched The Da Vinci Code again last night. Though people the world over lambasted the movie, I liked it.

Yeah, the movie has its pits - no character development & a virtually plastic Audrey Tautou. But the screenplay is very loyal to the book (perhaps a bit too loyal, choking the characters out) and is well-paced. Ron Howard has commendably brought the history of the Grail & the multiple associated, abutting legends to life. I could feel those goosebumps again as I watched the movie unfold.

Now, here is a thought which has nagged at me ever since I read that best-seller.
Could it be true? Could there be a descendant of Jesus Christ walking among us?

I have heard a million n one folks point out the poetic licenses the book has taken with some locations & historical facts in the story. However, I think they miss the larger picture.

Look at it this way - Arguably, there could exist a secret brotherhood, a la the Priori of Sion, protecting the bloodline over the centuries. They could ostensibly have a mission of revealing the truth at what they saw as the opportune time.

That time could be now. The Da Vinci Code could be a first in a series of plots towards achieving this mission. Dan Brown could be a member of this secret clique (one of the Senechaux, or perhaps, the Grandmaster himself!!). Or he could be a pawn in a larger scheme of things. Whichever way, the wheels of history could be in motion again.

Think about it. Think about what can be & not what is. How sensational it would be - it promises to throw every aspect of human belief into throes - history, religion, world politics. It'd be an event of true apocalyptic proportions!!

I'd love to be alive when such an event if & does ever happen. Conspiracy theories rock...

Requiem for a dream...

Somebody please sing me a lullaby. Or get a bathroom singer to sing तुम तो ठेहरे परदेसी to me.

If you get Indian channels, tie me to a chair and forcibly make me watch one of those many stupid 'K' soap operas. Or call back Daddu - professor of Materials Management at IIM Lucknow - and ask him to start his drone on whatever it was that he so solemnly professed all over again.

Or thrust a Nancy Drew in to my hands. Try Paulo Coelho if Ms. Drew fails.

Get the witch of Sleeping Beauty to cast a spell on me. Ask Dreamworks to make some soothing works for my dreams.

If everything fails, stick some chloroform into my face. But someone please do something.

I wanna sleep. Desperately...

Saturday "Day" Fever :)

From recent memory, today would easily count as the best Saturday I have had!!

The beauty of the day lay in the fact that it wasn't a planned, campaign day which I might have been looking forward to for a long time. Was just a regular weekend day which I spent in the company of people I like.

As weekends go, the day began early around 9am. Woke up to a nice, tranquil breezy morning - perfect day to be reading a book sitting by the window. Literally skimmed through Prey, my last Crichton novel, till around noon when Addie called unexpectedly.

He asked me whether I'd be eating lunch - to which I obviously said yes, and if I'd be game to hop over to his haunt - to which I again obviously n shamelessly said yes :). The best part about being a 25-year old bachelor is that you are old enough to be invited for luncheons and get-togethers, yet escape from it being viewed under the aegis of "social obligations".

Now, delightfully, the lunch (which was wondrous in its own "home-food" right) also had another tacit invitation piggy-backing it - a long awaited turn to try my skill at the Sony Playstation 2. And boy, did I have a blast!!
Played NFS and to my own surprise, drove pretty well for a stark amateur. The sheer thrill of that game is in its simplicity - accelerate all the time, keep the car straight, keep collisions to the minimum. Plus, there was the sadistic glee of seeing the game chide Ashim saying "you were last" - in a 2 player race ;-).

Then my teammate at work, Claire, came over to Addie's to see his house, as Addie is vacating it soon. The vacancy though is not just restricted to the house. Addie is quitting and going back to India. I am 99.9999% sure that office won't ever be the same again without him :(. The poignancy of the whole situation was inextricably woven into the mirth of the afternoon.

Addie deserves a full post dedicated to him. It'll be one I'll write with utmost care and a swell of emotion in my heart. Can promise him that much!!

Anyways, getting back to the main thread of the post - the afternoon flowed to a evening coffee with a friend, here for a conference, at Orchard. Was fun reminiscing about the old times, how she totally fell in love with everything Singaporean, how the bevy of petite, super-modelesque Singaporean beauties made her feel like Humpty Dumpty :). And for the first time ever, I found the Starbucks coffee palatable! And no, it wasn't the company, the coffee could actually pass on as "tasty" and "potable" :).

The library beckoned after this evening hour fleeted by. That turned out to be an adventure that shouldn't have been :). I was to show some juniors (who didn't have a mobile phone) to the library and we spent 20 mins on the footpath trying to trace each other, when we were all but half-a-football-field away at different ends of the mall. Amazing how obsequious we've become to mobile phones & how paralyzing absence of one can be!!

The crowning caper of the day was the surprise birthday party for Arthi. It was a coordinated, conspiratorial surprise treat at Modesta's. 15-16 of her IIM A batchmates and some other friends had conspired to not wish her the whole day, turn down any dinner/meeting calls from her and then surprise her when her roommate got a dejected looking Arthi to the restaurant for dinner.

Well, that was the plan!! As it turned out, we got there before she did ;). When she got there, there was already a huge table for 20 set out, with some of us conspirators seated at it. The icing on the cake, though, was that in spite of this she didn't suspect that somethin' might be cookin'. She still believed that it was coincidental that some of us were at the same restaurant at the same time. So, we kinda did pull the surprise off :).

As for the food - l'italiano era deliziosamente fantastico!! We downed copious amounts of food. Brace yourselves, here is what all we devoured :-

1. 3 12" pizzas
2. 4 pastas
3. 2 salads
4. 2 king prawns
5. and the star of the evening - 3 20" pizzas.

They had to get a separate barbecue-style stand to hold the 20" pizza trays. It took 2 people to serve - one to balance the tray, the other to serve ;). Was terribly amusing to just see them orchestrate that spectacle!!

All in all, I had a great day yesterday. The wait now begins for the next Horsie's Day Out :).
Hope the coming week passes by quickly!!

Images that changed the world.

Got this link to someone else's blog from a friend.

The images are really thought provoking. Follow this link to view the image - http://pinguy.infogami.com/blog/vwm6

As MJ said in his heydays,

Heal the world,
Make it a better place
For you and for me
and the entire human race...

Amen.

1 more reason I love being a guy.

I love being a guy. Gals - Boo boo :P.

Reasons:
This article shares some relatively unimportant, but very practical and potent ones. - Niki's blog -
What the...
One more reason - Men don't ever get Orkut scraps like "Hi...Wazzup...u know u are so pretty, I have never met someone nice like u. Wanna frendship with me. Plz, plz dont ignore my message, I write my tru feelingz."
(just for the record, this piece of genius isn't mine. It's from a female friend's scrap book, left by some wannabe Romeo ;) ).

Lolssssssssssssss.....Rotfilmao. Guy world roxx!!

The CMK meaning of Idiot proof!

I often think that we CMKers have taken our motto of "making things simple" to another level. We like to make things idiot proof. But somewhere along the line, unconsciously & unintentionally it manifests itself as "other function proof".

With all the "simplicity", Marketing'ers must definitely feel like 2 year olds learning Ba-Ba Black Sheep in school in our presentations. (No snide remarks about Marketing, even though restrain is tough!!).
When asked questions that are uncomfortable or something we can't put our buck on, we say "Oh! That's technical in nature (you won't understand it?). I can take you thru it separately later (later when? later never?)".

I mean c'mon. Who are we trying to kid? For Christ's sake, both CMKers and Marketing'ers hail from the same echelons of excellence - the IIMs.

I finally quelled my embers thinking that it must be that CMKers are from 'Indian' Institute of Management whereas Marketingers are from 'Idiots' Institute of Management! See, so simple again :).

How vanities come by - even with an honest intent and whole-hearted commitment.