15-15: Consumer banking in India vs. in Singapore

Here's a surprise - Singapore banks still have passbook accounts :). Yes, those little resin-bonded logs, which if we ask our fathers, will prove to be as valuable as a Passport!!!

My first few months in Singapore, having seen the passbooks and the banking services here, gave me the belief that Consumer banking in India was leagues ahead.

Although the difference in the levels of penetration of ATMs in the two countries is of the magnitude of the leagues between the Australian and Indian cricket teams ;), I got the feeling that Indian banks were far more fleet-footed in innovating on the gamut of services they provide.

India outpaces Singapore as far as accessibility of credit cards/loans etc. are concerned. And this in spite of the fact that credit risks in India are Goliath sized compared to the Lion city's levels.

But then, my biggest leveler came last week when I discovered the automatic passbook updating machine at Orchard!! Now, whether this is a statement of my utter ignorance of the external world, I ain't sure, but I found that particular piece of technology fascinating. These guys are fast moving to a world of fully automated, teller-less banking. The bank will be reduced to a 2 ft x 6 ft metal frame on a corner of the road!!!

So, till I come across any more differentiators, I'll take the score as 15-15 :).

Oh...just a good-bye note to all ya I-bankers!! Earn & hoard those insane Dollars as quickly as you can. It's not impossible to comprehend that some day some dawdler (relatively speaking) geek sitting somewhere in Redmond or California might just come up with another disruptive innovation obviating the need for the ridiculous human concentration that you guys are donkeyed around for :).

The World & me

I'd much rather be the world to someone
than be someone to the world.

Starbucks - A disappointment for me...

Well, I've had the hallowed opportunity of consuming the ambrosia called Starbucks coffee once I touched the shores of the Lion City.

Turned out to be a big let down for me personally. Tried most major coffees from the Frappe to the Latte to the Cappuccino. Have visited the twin-tailed mermaid about 4/5 times now without any retribution.

I haven't thus far been able to nail the exact reason for this. My lead hypotheses are:

1. The steamed milk they use makes the coffee too bland for my palate. I prefer the classical south-Indian creamed milk coffee boiled on the stove.
2. There's something odd about the sugar at Starbucks. I have to empty half-a-dozen sachets to somehow force my tongue to allow the coffee right-of-way till my epiglottis (that's what the nerds with white overcoats call the throat valve :) ) !!

Starbucks? No, thanx!

I haven't had a coffee experience quite like the Baristas closer to home. The old guitar, the rusty glaze of the tables, the familiar brown of the text, the soft rock melodies humming in the background and an ambience radiating the warmth of many a memorable evening...

It's all about "how" and not "what" you say!

My biggest learning after about a year of working:

Most inter-personal misunderstandings/issues arise out of not what you say, but how you say it.

Obviously, such situations arise in cases of negative feedback or criticizing work/ideas etc. There are very few people have a skill of being able to communicate exactly what they disagree with or what they find bullshit without making it sound a caustic attack on the other person.

It's a good skill to have, me working on it :).

The Sound of Silence

An unusually quiet day. Actually, no longer unusual. Seem to have one of these every couple of weeks.

Total no. of words spoken in the last 24 hours - less than 50!

And it wasn't as if I was a lone warrior in Siberia trakcing down mammoths or something.
During the day, was in a training during our functional meet amidst some 80 odd people. Evening saw the silence brooding along at a friend's place over dinner. Ate, sat, ate more, came back :).

I get that creepy feeling that there's more to this than meets the eye. Which means more mulling over a zillion cause-effect analysis, sorting out the gossamer of a million question threads in my head...
Damn it, stop overworking my already numbed brain!

Where is the steed that was once so lively? Where is the horse that rambled on unfettered by worldly bonds?

I miss the Horsie of yore...

A tale of two city...airports - Manila & Mumbai!!

Returned from the Philippines last evening. The similarities between India and the archipelago are many.

A similar exchange rate to the Dollar, similar population prosperity indices, similar "excellence" of governments, similar consumer behaviours, same unorderliness of life, energy and chaos in the people :). Heck, I was elated to see those junk shops, those roadside foodstalls, the one-window Sari-Sari stores - was so reminiscent of home. Felt nice to be out of the almost mechanized realm of Singapore.

The traffic is much worse though. 1-0 India ;).

Manila airport flew my mind back home to Mumbai airport. And I couldn't help smirking after observing the extent of similarities.
The same long-twining queues, more security staff than travelers, inefficiencies galore, ridiculous rules for personal screening...ah, twas uncanny.

1. I couldn't help being bemused by the super-beefed security. I don't care about being condescending - Philippines is some inconspicuous country in an obscure corner of the world. Nobody would even bat an eyelid if the islands were to disappear. And there's hardly anything there to steal or anyone noteworthy to harm!! So, why all this psychosia for security?
   
   Given that terrorists aren't the next Einsteins around, but I'm sure even they are not as harebrained as to waste their petty lives trying to plot something against the archipelago.
   
   
2. Then came that insanely long queue at immigration. And for no apparent reason other than good-old inefficiency. And, though as pretty as the islands are, there aren't exactly flocks of tourists clamoring in and out of the airport!
   
   
3. It gets better! Next in sequence is the personal security check. Man, I haven't seen a more hypochondriacal race! As you'd normally expect - you are required to empty all pockets, screen all hand baggage. But hereth the clincher - You are to remove shoes, belts, jackets, all sortsa accessories. Basically, just proceed to the X-ray machine in your bare essentials - a shirt and your pants!
   
   It was ridiculous. And they could've most definitely done with some shoe scent there!
   
   I am willing to bet that a few year's down the line, people will be asked to strip to their briefs for screening. (Obviously, you could be hiding two bombs in your underwear ;) ). In the next stage of evolution, we shall all have the immense privilege of feeling like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Manila :).

I was smirking all the way to my aircraft as I was observing these hilarities unfold around me. What a big fuss we humans make of moving across borders! And come to think of it - at the end of the day, it's just a line!

It was a good, fun day :).

Thus spake the Illuminati - The symmetry of our days...

There will be both good days and bad days in life. They are both an integral part of the enigma called "Stayin' alive" ;).

1. The good days give you great memories. Cherish them and smile.
2. The bad days give you experience. Learn from them.

Enjoy life...it was designed precisely for that :).

A Mother is really God on this planet

I have been in the Philippines for most of this week doing consumer research on diapers. It's been a mind opening visit!!

This was the first time I actually visited and saw my consumers. Saw them in flesh and blood and tried to understand what my product really means to them. There's something surreal about a Mom embracing her kid. The smile on the baby's face upon seeing its mother, the smile on the mother's face seeing her baby laugh, speak his baby prattle, do those silly baby things - that's what I'd truly call a Kodak moment :).

My personal learnings are noted here. The business learnings will be compiled in some word document which just won't ever be able to do justice to what a Mom can do for her kid.

1. Only a Mother can make the unconditional sacrifices that she does. I met moms, educated women in their 20s, who had dreams of their own and everything needed to achieve them, who just let them go in a flash to raise their kids.
   
   
2. We, the ones with those fancy looking cars and fat looking figures in the banks, crib about our lives and how difficult it is. It's just surprising how time n again life throws me into these situations where you realise how grateful I should be for what I have.
   I met moms who lived in as abject conditions as you can imagine. Moms who had no guarantee that their husband will earn money the coming week. And yet, she only gave the best to her kid - food, diapers, soap, milk - you name it!!
   For them there was no concept of "I/me" - it was all "You".

I suddenly feel so much respect for my business and brand. In our own small way, we are helping millions of mothers around the world take care of their babies and is something I am really really proud of :).

Even with a million adjectives, I still won't capture that mother-child relationship for what it is. Call it love, belongning, acceptance, safety - whatever...there is nothing quite like a Mother :).

Love ya Mama...And innumerable but insufficient Thank You's.

What would Kalpana Chawla have seen from her space shuttle?

Have you ever wondered what a soul observing our planet from those gaping skies above would see?

Let's make this uncomfortable. We humans, time n again, keep on passing judgements on the various speices around us - dolphins are "intelligent" mammals, leopards are "savages", monkeys are socially advanced....blah blah blah!! We just love assigning these attributes and playing God :).

For once, lets put us under the microscope. What do you think an alien observer's judgement would be? Let's add the most interesting dimensions - time and evolution.

My vote - We are primeval!! Downright "junglee".

My reasons:

1. Have you ever seen a speices which bickers so much with its own members? And that also so incessantly?
   
   Even the most vicious and savagest of animals co-exist in harmony. They establish might once and that's that!! Sharks, cheetahs, raccoons - don't go around eliminating fellow predators. (A poser. Why did the great white kill the hammerhead?).
   
   And humans, we have a tendency to come up with the most ludicrous of reasons to just embed a bullet in someone! "She called me drunk..", "I didn't like him.", "He was wearing a turban."
   
   
2. Right from dogs to crocs, animals mark their territories and then the sole aim of their lives is to just defend this territory - irrespective of whether a threat is real or perceived.
   
   Humans - exact same behaviour!!
   
   Take physical territory. In historical times, the sword decided the proprietery of land. Physical aggression and barbarism were a part n parcel of that life.
   
   Today's world - what has changed? Only the manifestation of aggression. Instead of physical aggression, it is a wielding of power thru a few pieces of paper with heads of various famous men printed on them - economic aggression.
   Breach the tacit economic equilibrium, you are bound to cause an uproar!!
   
   
3. In other animals, members of a group trust each other. There won't be sniding undercurrents and backstabs in the darkness.
   
   Humans - We haven't been able to trust each other since eons. And I don't think we are about to change for all our planet's worth in the next 1000 years.
   
   
4. I think the Creator intentionally didn't program humans to practice two critical virtues - Equality, non-hypocricy. Had he by chance given us these, we might not have had such a vibrant history!!
   We have discriminated among Men and from this discrimination stemmed some of the most abused "isms" of modern history - colonialism, feudalism, communism, slavism (okay, that was a cheap trick, but you get the point :) ).

So, at the end of the day, humanity works on the law of the jungle - might is right. Just that in Africa, the might is of AK47s, in USA it is of "billion and trillion $". From a green jungle, the arena has moved to a black jungle of death or a grey jungle of warfare.

Not saying that all that has happened is bad and that we are the scum of the universe ;). Just that when seen thru a critical eye removing all the frills away, you get an idea of the true rate of progress of the human race. It's nothing that I feel proud of!!

Think about "what can be" or "could have been". Unfortunately, "what is" seems like the other side of the magnet.

And yet, there is still Hope. And that Hope, ironically, is us! Conservationists, peace brokers, economic experts who genuinely led to wealth distribution among their people, reform thinkers have borne the beacon thus far. Hopefully, we'll keep it burning so that our kids won't see the same sight as this.

This Hope is the one thing that preserves this miracle called "Life" on this planet :).

Adios,
Harsh.

Hello Darkness my old friend..I am back with you again!

Well, off late have started kayaking every weekend. It's good fun.

Placid water, nice weather, early morning breeze...Row away, make your own wake!!

I can draw a parallel from my kayaking to my life as well. Unfortunately, the parallel ends at the fact that I am the sailor.

The winds are not as gentle, the current not as placid. The boat not as steady.

1. The first lesson I learnt on the kayak was that however hard you may want to think that you are in control - reality is starkly different. I have broken all my delusions about being in complete control of my life. It's a fundamental realization of apocalyptic proportions - it's broken thru all previously held beliefs, thought processes, action plans...everything.

2. While rowing, you have to be careful when rowing among a group of kayaks - ripples caused by others can easily topple you.

Similarly, been a rough week for me - and I don't know which whirlpool I stirred to cause the swirl. Relations strained at work. Incessant workload pressure, ridiculously long working hours for making presentatios. Stress in general as well on other fronts - Mom's not well, Dad needs me, questions on decisions I made, am about to make - some of the old demons which I had quelled returned.

Repeatedly found myself marooned away - like a lone survivor finding his way to land.

3. On the kayak, you can't keep rowing endlessly. You have to take breaks, else you gonna burn out your arms real fast.

Had made a plan to visit Langkawi this weekend. Had to cancel that for a hoard of reasons. Now am beginning to feel I shouldn't have cancelled the trip.

I need a break...a long one. Want to be cut-off from the world, from those million chores and issues that I need to attend to. Feel like just scurrying off one weekend - no mobile, no internet...nothing!

Just me, my thoughts and some introspection on where the hell I want to take my kayak.

Eating the bread I earn...Quite literally

Ate bread today for all my meals - two toasts for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, two sandwiches for snacks, toast sandwiches for dinner. Hell, I even feel like a bread now...I have all the pores and the soft center (I am a pragmatist you see ;-) ).

Let me narrate the story of my 6 months, and all the bread!!

I can truly claim that I have eaten all the bread I have earned with all my effort and toil for the past 6 months.
What the heck! I have been eating so much bread, even the Subway lady on duty during lunch knows my choice of bread by rote now!! She sees me entering the restaurant, gives me that knowing smile, pulls out the loaf she needs to from her rack, cuts it into half and passes it along the quay to her colleague handling the vegetables.

So here I am, all confident and beaming with pride that I have finally come of age, earning and eating my bread. Surely, as the wisdom of yore reverberated in my head, I'd now find contentedness, true happiness and success in life. So, day after day, month after month, I diligently follow the path that hath been layeth, in anticipation of glory that lay just round the bend.

But hey, 6 months have already gone by in a whiff. And sadly, to my utter disbelief and a reverie-breaking shock, I am beginning to realize that the bread isn't the sweetest and satisfying grub as the age old aphorisms had me believe! All I have to show for it is an horribly upset metabolism rhythm :-).

So, in my agony and depression, the realization dawns on me, like the streak of first morning light, that the "time is now" (Ref: Previous post - The ToI India Poised 2007 campaign). Time for the bread to stay on its rack and for the new age foods to roll out!! Thank you ToI...as you truly self-admittedly and humbly had said - you are the best! :P.

From tomorrow, I say, bring on the Ice-creams and the Pastries and the Maccaronies Babieee...

P.S. - Technically, "now" should have implied today, but unfortunately it's already past dinner, and my next meal is only breakfast tomorrow morning. Hence, the breaking of the shackles of bread shall happeneth from tomorrow. Ain't I a fast learner!!

India Poised - Anthems with a meaning...

ToI is running a 6-week long campaign called "India Poised" on its website and their news channel - Times Now - to mark 2007 as the year of India. The campaign's base theme - The time for India is now.

Yeah right!! Will someone please come forth and explain to this dimwitted soul which year isn't the year of India? When is "now" not the time for India? If you can explain such lofty concepts into my weasly head, I will revere your benevolence all my life!!

The skepticism and "respect" for ToI apart, the website is running a series of notes, called anthems, on India from respectable celebrities like Amithabh Bacchan and Gulzar. It is for these notes that I am putting up this blog entry. Will keep updating it as I download more of these notes from their website.

Note: I make absolutely no claim to any of these anthems. None of them are my work at all. So, ToI, please don't sue me for plagiarism or IP rights infrigement. :-).

This is Amitabh's take on India which he feels is on the verge of breaking all shackles restraining her at the moment and bound away to touch the sky. As Ian Malcolm (of Jurassic Park and The Lost World fame, played by Jeff Goldblum) would call it, "at the edge of chaos."

But, how would you like Amitabh recite this anthem out to you? That'd be a different experience altogether. Human expression paints a completely different hue of even the most mundane notes!! And this is as far from mundane as can be...

You can treat yourself to it here. Amitabh's anthem recitation.

I found the note to be quite meaningful and a subtle reality-check rap on the shoulder for someone like me living away from my homeland.

You can visit the India Poised website at http://www.indiapoised.com.

Till I am back, quietly letting the spirit sink in...

There & back again...

Well, almost two months since my last post. A lot's been going on in my head all this while.

Celebrated a lonely birthday. Was fun actually. The highlight of this birthday had to be the international telecon, 6 of us Infosys friends had. Giddy, terrific idea, though you unknowningly engendered the group which will now ensure that Jigna never experiences peace again :D.

Well, I had to leave for India the immediate morning after my birthday. Due to the elongated telecon, just barely woke up and managed to scramble onto the flight home :). That adventure deserves a separate post by itself!!

3 weeks in India were full of a lot of introspection, clearing of a mind overclouded with doubts, realizing constants in life. Questions still continue to berate me like silent sea waves upon a beleagured rock, just that the lashing is significantly less corrosive now.

Returned to Singapore today morning. And to my shock, almost everything seemed new, almost unfamiliar! Home is truly where the heart is...

And as for today itself - it was a day of surprises.

1. There was a nice layer of soot on my bed, on my furniture, on my clothes awaiting me when I opened my room. A layer of fungus on some of my clothes inside my cupboard added zing to the surprise. The recently begun construction just outside my condo is sure to give me lots of such gifts over the next few months.
2. My boss, who sits in India, arrives into Singapore today. And guess what, he flew the same flight as I. And I had zilch clue...Gulp :).
3. My mailbox saw a deluge of 600 new mails, replete with shabbily written ramble-ons from my agency, scores of attachments and million follow-up requests on a million things from various people.
4. For a change, my To-do list for the month looks half as empty as I have come to expect by now.
5. Saw an email in my box which brought totally unexpected and livening good news way ahead of their time :). Keeping my fingers crossed...(they are all pretty much knotted by now anyways).
   

As for the non-surprises, my lazy flatmate didn't get his copy of the house keys made from my set (which I had left behind with him for precisely this purpose).
Business, as usual, is "fati padi hain" ;).

Well, I am back again...in Singapore, have to ensure that I stay here, in body, mind and soul over the next few months. They are gonna prove critical.

Cheers everyone!

Technology eh...

Only now am I beginning to appreciate the labors of companies who had outsourced work to India/China.

My Bodhi tree was my call today with one of my suppliers in Beijing. An urgent issue had arisen which mandated calling her during her travel.

Try and picture this and you'll understand what I am trying to say.

Dialing No. Connected to reception.

Receptionist: @^#*%^#@ (A 5-Star hotel reception, ladI y mutters something in Chinese).
Moi: R-o-o-m N-o. 9 0 3 please.

Some music. Sounded Chinese in origin.

Room No. 903: Hello, this is XYZ here.

Moi: Hi XYZ. How are you?
XYZ: Hi Harsh. I am sorry, I can barely here you. What is it you wanted?
Moi: I need the final file.
XYZ: What?? The original bill?

Moi: The F I N A L file.
XYZ: Can you please call me again to see if we can get a better line?

Hang-up. Process repeat, go back to Dialing no. Make 6 iterations.

Finally, I gave up thinking you might as well send me the bill for all this pain!!

Imagine the fun when you are calling from America (accent or no accent) to a telephone line in India in a plush BPO office some 40 kms outside Chennai village and trying to explain your payroll process to a "I can & will vonly speeeg Taamil" employee. You will end up getting pay-slips with all sorts of "Jalebi-like" sketches all over it!!

Today's lesson: Technology's goal is to introduce innovative avenues of hilarity in our lives ;).

Harsh.

A new-age wisdom :)

A good start to a working Tuesday morning.

You might have heard all of the following adages reflecting centuries of wisdom.

1. The grass is always greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to mow.
2. No matter which side of the rainbow you are on, the pot of gold will always appear at the other end.

Presenting my new-age take on the wisdoms-that-be :)

"The hotter chics are always on other men's arms, but they are just as hard to stick with."

Creativity rocks!!!

The world's best comedian - Ram Jethmalani

Presenting the Indian judiciary's leading star... Let the world watch and mock :).


http://www.ibnlive.com/videos/25393/exclusive-jethmalani-flays-media.html

Of pick-up lines and intentions.

My flatmate and I saw this movie called Bas Ek Pal starring Jimmy Shergill, Sanjay Suri, Urmila Matondkar, Juhi Chawla and one more listlessly passable weirdo.

Just a note out of benevolence. Consider going out to the nearby traffic light and watching cars come, stop at red and vroom away at green before you decide to dive in to this movie. It's only about half as interesting if not worse.

Anyways, getting back to the topic, I can summarize the background for today's post as under - Sanjay Suri is a USA-returned stud who flips out on Urmila seeing her at a pub, picks up a brawl with the guy who claims to be her man, ends up firing a pistol shot that paralyzes Jimmy Sherill and is thrown into jail.

Now, while in jail, he keeps on fantasizing about Ms. Tangmodkar. Now, I don't know whether that was a Cupid hangover or just his brain's hallucination trying to ease the pain while he was getting "done" by his cellmate :D. (A friend later pointed out that things actually happen and that it was surprising I didn't know about it. Darn!! I haven't been fortunate enough to have gone to jail, how am I supposed to know!!)

Well, so the movie meanders along. Cutting all the noise out, important thing is Urmila (who's engaged to Jimmy Shergill, Sanjay Suri is aware or this fact.) ends up going one night (Yes, it was raining, as if it had a choice of staying up in the heavens) to meet Mr. Suri who's managed bail. And then this sequence ensued, which sent the two of us rolling off the sofa to the floor, guffawing in laughter.

Urmila: Aakhir tum chaahte kyaa ho mujhse. (What do you expect from me?)

Sanjay: Maine teen saal jail mein roz yehi sapna dekha thaa. Jab main subah uthu, tum mere bagal mein leti huee ho aur tumhaare hoton pe halki si hansi chhayi huee hain aur main tumhaare komal badan ko *something something* (don't remember the Hindi).

Kyaa tum mera yeh sapna poora kar sakti ho??

(3 years in jail, I just had this dream. When I wake up each morning, I find you lying next to me, with a light smile on your lips and I caress your soft body. Can you fulfill this dream/desire of mine?)

Now neither of us, even in 70 lives, have a claim to fame of being lady-killers and being pundits on one-liners or the likes, but we both felt that this was a phenomenally pseud and sophisticated way of requesting a one-night fling. A really glib way off filing a corny request!!

To us, it had plain, simple SEX written all over it - in all CAPS, font size = 80 :).

Both of us dismissed it off saying that such shit wouldn't ever work!! But, vallah vallah...we later were forced to bite our tongues. When we narrated this story to a couple of female friends, they expressed totally polar views to ours - how romantic and thoughtful, not lustful and non-guys like!!

Can you believe that - it bloody does work!!

Now I get it. Our fundae are all screwed up. No wonder we are sitting at home on a lazy weekend watching such travesties!

A booster shot

Fattie, a.k.a. Priyatham (u asked for this!!), said something today that moved something inside me.

He narrated his visit to the hospital to see a friend and how he felt what a brave girl she was. How cheerful she was in the face of a plastic surgery!!

He said he almost broke down seeing her. He went on to say that he would never forget this Sunday in his life. It brought him immense resilience and resolve to never, never give-up in life.

I usually don't associate Fattie talking like this. Being honest Fattie.

But his words manifested into fort walls today - lofty, strong and infallible. Something about them gave me strength. And I needed it.

Was a indiffirent weekend, this one. Was feeling gnawed all through. Just generally.
Life is so difficult to fathom, so difficult to be in control of. But then, just when you are about to lay down arms, reinforcements come up from avenues you never expected or bothered to look to.

Thanx Fattie...the old Horsie will wake up again tomorrow, Monday morning.

The Steve Waugh spirit is rekindled.

The week in Sports

U.S. Open 2006

→ Roger Federer claims his 3rd successive US open and 9th career slam. Phenomenal!!

→ The ohhhhhh-so-sexy Maria Sharapova vanquishes Justine Henin-Hardenne for her maiden US open and 2nd career title. Hoping countless more follow ;).

→ Justine Henin becomes the first player since Steffi Graf to reach all 4 Grand Slam Singles Finals in a calendar year. She won the French but lost the other 3 - Australian & Wimbledon to Amelie Mausresmo and US to Sharapova.

→ First time in Tennis history that a male and a female player reach all 4 Grand Slam finals (Roger Federer and Justine Henin).

→ Martina Navratilova continues making a mockery of age and all sorts of records as she powers her way to her 59th career Grand Slam title partnering Bob Bryan for the Mixed Doubles.

→ Two tennis greats finally adieu to the courts - Andre Agassi and Martina Navratilova. Bleary eyes and heavy hearts the world over.

F-1, Italian Grand Prix @ Monza

→ Michael Schumacher & Ferrari once again outfox the nitwits at McLaren at pit strategy and win the race.

→ Alonso blows up his engine in his bloodrush allowing Schumacher to close to within 2 points of the championship lead.

→ The season's nicely poised for one of the tightest and fiercely, closely fought finales with the Chinese, Japanese and Brazilian Grand Prixs to come.

→ Michael announces his retirement shortly after his victory with the unimaginable 100 victories mark just a season away.

Cricket - DLF Cup, Malaysia

→ West Indies wither away and squander a golden chance of putting one over the indomitable Aussies as they lose 9 wickets for just 29 runs in the series opener.

→ Match 2: India vs. West Indies - Tendulkar returns with a bang to silence all those aspersing him as a Titan of the past by slamming 141 against the Windies. But it’s déjà vu all over again as the Indian bowlers get tonked all around the park and India lose the match courtesy M/s Duckworth and Lewis.

UEFA Champions League

The heavyweights of European football return to the biggest club football saga in the world. Amidst much fanfare, some clubs go about doing their business clinically – play football, score goals, win matches while others get lost in the blitz of the media lights.

→ Defending champions, Barcelona hammer 5 past new boys Levski Sofia.

→ Usual Suspects Chelsea, Milan, Bayern Munich all win comfortably scoring 2,3,4 goals respectively.

→ Valencia produce a masterful performance powered by Fernando Morientes’ hat-trick to win 4-2 away to Olympiacos.

→ Last year’s runners-up, Arsenal commence with a convincing win away to Hamburg with new signing Tomas Rosicky justifying his multi-million pound deal with a classy strike that will surely show up in the season’s best goals list.

→ The much hyped Real Madrid under Fabio Cappello once again disappoint as Lyon easily defeat them 2-0.

→ Liverpool make heavy weather of a reasonably manageable fixture, as they so often do, to earn a 0-0 draw in Eindhoven.

→ Celtic throw caution to the winds as they push Man Utd. To the edge and almost over as they make the Red Devils slug out a 3-2 victory at Old Trafford.

Name = Horsie, Work = Donkey's ;)

Without the slightest of doubts, my best day in life!!

Morning 10am - Night 9.30 pm: All I did today was data setup, cleaning and formatting today.

Activities include:

1. Copy pasting of cells from across Excel files - As the great gyaani Baba Mohanty would say, "draugg it".
   
   
2. Coloring various cells with the wonderful palate that Mr. Gates provided in his most benevolent gift to mankind so far
   I think I exceeded expectations on this activity today. Optimized on the color use - the file actually has an artistic hue to it now.
   The satisfaction one gets out of doing "creative" work is unparalleled. I titled my creation "Global Unity & Harmony" as that is what you'd get if you randomly mixed the colors of the flags of the world.
   
   Thinking of patenting this idea, selling it to Bill Gates/UNO/US President (the man concerned most about world peace). And ofcourse, all the proceeds will go to charity ;).
   
   
3. Reconciling 3 formats used for reporting the same data - I am only now beginning to appreciate the finer nuances of how sensational the Gillette methods of working are.
   Considering they had no significant competition to give them so much as a hiccup in this region, they had to indigenously come up with challenges for their employees - you have to be at the "cutting" edge.
   
   So, they came up with up an absolutely ingineous plan.
   Shipments, Consumptions and Annual reports are quoted in entirely anti-similar formats. Anti-similar as there's no obvious linkage between Shipments and Consumption of various brands. Infact, shipment data for the same country, brand, period combination when drawn from different sources can be conflicting. Sub-brand and group totals can exceed mother brand / company shipment totals :D.
   
   So, the challenge is to know the right source, all the right sources for the 500-odd SKUs that they have and the right brand list.
   
   Now, that's what I call challenging work!! And people wanted to participate in the Crystal Maze to test their claimed intelligence...idiots.
   
   Dumbguns, learn from Gillette - learn to make challenges for yourself by mangling and juggling around with your data. It will always keep your employees at their "sharpest".
   
   Obviously, such extra-ordinary methods were devised by some high-flying MBA. And you necessarily have to be equipped with an MBA to even being considered worthy of deserving a shot at this twister!!
   

What a day!! Wishing that my entire career is full of such days...

No, though I know you guys are envious, you can't bribe me out of my job.
I love my job!!!